Other people’s monitor techs

I like the kid (don’t get me wrong), but he’s gonna have to step up the rhetoric if he wants to play in the bigs…



You THINK they cut? They cleave your head in twain with 1K.


False impressions

The last thing you want to do is pump a bunch of sunshine up their asses then not have enough Coppertone to back it up.


Rock tour

They said it would be fun and that there’d be girls.



Bag: do you know any good chemists?
GB: oh yeah, totally. He doesn’t like me, but I know him.


Bunk time

I’m gonna go back to my bunk and watch Queensryche videos. See you guys later.


Pressing the flesh

I’ve shaken way too many hands to be eatin’ off these mitts.



For this last tour, I didn’t feel that funny… I barely felt clean



I really wanted to keep this so that my parents wouldn’t be sad if they saw it, but that bus has left the station.



I remember very little. It’s a defense mechanism really.



I’ve built my life on decorum.


No fair!

No fair……don’t go quoting me to me!


No contest

It would be hard to dispute that, even for me. I’m a big disputer!


Good Talk

Go ahead and talk, I’m listening. I don’t care, but I’m listening.


Words Brad hates

It’s always good to be the piston in a bicycle pump.


I can’t talk

I won’t be able to understand you anyway because you have douchebagyngitis!


No Vacancy

Man look at the best western, it’s a jammed with the peebos!



The milk is never free. It’s just reduced price.



It’s all over but the crying after 40.



I’m swell until you actually meet me. On paper, I’m f*¢kjng great!



As a card carrying heathen, I’m totally down with Festivus.



Jealousy is a harsh mistress, like gravity.


Not my website

Not my website, it’s someone else’s.  Oohhh…..maybe some caramel corn will make me happy!


Impressing the ladies

I totally had a lab coat when I worked as a NASA contractor.


(photo: Juan Valdez)



People don’t like me.  I’ve been told that by people who don’t like me.


Fun Bubble

That’s the thing about being us is that the fun bubble just follows us around everywhere.


Self Awareness

Sorry I was so rude earlier.  My name is Greg.  I’m not that socially acceptable to most people.



Lip Balm

Most of my lips have fallen off.  I’m gluing the rest together with Burt’s bees.


Equal Opportunity

See? It’s not just you. I’m an equal opportunity asshole.



I could really go for bacon wrapped butter with a ham glaze.


Strong drink

That’s all booze! It’s all rita and no marg.



Be careful upon that which you hock ginders.



Brad isn’t impressed

I thought there was going to be gold shooting out of  your mouth, but it wasn’t what I was expecting.


High School

GB: ….that’s where I developed the LTP method.

BG: LTP method?

GB: Learn Through Pain

Role in life

To tell you the truth, in the grand scheme of things, I am a liability.


Self esteem

It’s good to know useless people.   It makes you feel better about yourself.

Airport Security Checkpoints

You see, the thing about being a higher primate is that we learn from our mistakes.
- GB

To the masses

That’s my friend Greg. He has the worst job.



I’m not belittling you, I’m just teaching you in a way that will help you remember… by belittling you.

- GB

Shark bite

A test bite from even a medium sized shark can be pretty hard-core.



Bond films

If there’s one thing you can tell by watching all the Bond films it’s that high cheek bones never go out of fashion.



I spend a lot of my life thinking of ways not to touch stuff.


Going to run feeder

Now that you’ve washed your hands, I’ll let you help me.



I’m allowed to have selective memory about things that hurt me deeply.


Dietary Fiber

You gotta run a broom through the shop every now and then…



If you feel as though you’re about to say something clever, speak into the microphone please. Thank you.



Stupid? NOT stupid….just uninformed. Stupid is an unrecoverable fall.



Almost everything I say is not common…it’s more retarded.



It’s a shame we’re not gonna be in Minnesota that long, because you sure can buy some nice tackle boxes up there.

New York

Awesome! I escaped New York without making any enemies. I actually had a pretty good time.



I’m as serious as the heart attack I will soon have.



‘Cuz he’s a child and has plenty of time for his life to become miserable….like mine.


Arrival Time

I don’t know, because we’re going into the teeth of rush hour

- GB

Tea Time

Okay… I’m gonna go get some tea because I’m not currently grinding my teeth enough. I’ll be on radio if you need me.


Radio Chatter

Awesome. It’s like listening to my head inside.

- GB

Breakfast choice


Bad Days

Yeah some days Darwin gets to live the dream.

- GB


That’s alright…..you have every right to be wrong.



My dad is the lunatic fringe of peanut butter.



It’s hard being the stupidest person in your family.


Proudly powered by WordPress
Theme: Esquire by Matthew Buchanan.